You've Got To Be Fucking Kidding Me....

As if Bardot wasn't enough? Ladies and Gentlemen, this one writes itself..... Its almost too easy to make fun of.... Pamela Anderson has joined the ranks of these decrying the seal hunt.

Says Anderson: "As a proud Canadian who frequently travels abroad, I am alarmed that people are starting to see Canada as a country more beholden to a pack of greedy hunters and to the seal-skin 'fashion' whims of a few countries than to the massive international outcry against the hunt,"

Says Me: "As a proud Canadian who hates dumb people...isn't the cornerstone of your entire fucking career a homemade porn video you made with a washed up drummer with a horse dong?"

Please!! The only way this gets any better for the anti-seal hunt people is if they can somehow recruit Andrew 'Dice' Clay and Vanilla Ice....

....flow like a harpoon daily and nightly....

"Brigitte Bardot" Roughly Translated = 'Racist Biggot-Pig'

I can't believe I would give the likes of Brigitte Bardot any writing space in this blog, but I've been wanting to comment on the Canadian seal hunt for a while and I think she is the best target for my scorn. Did you know that this past week Ms Bardot came into Canada seeking a meeting with the PM to discuss the inhumanity of the annual seal hunt? As if he's the PM of Jamaica or something, and would stop everything on his schedule to accomodate her. (although when I think about, he's probably more likely to do something like this than any other PM we've had- Kim Campbell wouldn't have done it!). What's truly ironic about the situation is that the former French 'sex kitten' has been sued 3 times in her home country for alleged violations of human rights. She has published a book denouncing Islamic immigration into France, because of the way it 'erodes the French culture'.

Why would anybody listen to this moron? Shouldn't the fact that she's on the side of anti-seal hunting raise some alarms to those grups which might have a legitimate beef with the practise? I almost expect them to come out with campaigns that say stuff like... "Listen, we love the baby harp seals and all, and want to save as many as we can...but could you please ignore that crazy Bardot bitch...she's really not associated with us, in fact we'll make you a deal...we'll club and skin her alive if you drop the cull #s by a couple thousand" (I envision a Paul McCartney originally crafted song playing in the background...and Larry King doing the voice-over)

I love it when stupid people decide to take a stand on something. It amuses me greatly.

Jamaican Rum is the nectar of the Gods...Or it at Least Helps Me Cope With Work

I'm not saying I drink at work, or before work, but definitely after if its been a hard day. Appleton's Rum is one of my favourites. I drink most liquor straight, but this stuff is good by itself or with practically anything else (today's recipe is strawberry kiwi Crystal Lite mixed 1:5 with Appleton Original...good shit!). If there are 5 things Jamaicans know better than anyone its:
1. Weed
2. Spiced Rum
3. Coffee
4. Weed
5. Weed
(honourable mention goes to 'pot')

Seriously though, if you like spiced rum, pick some of this stuff up at your local Alcool. It kicks major ass. Ya Mon!

Oh, and congrats to Jamaica for electing its first female Prime minister. This news is actually a few weeks old but it is noteworthy in that it got me thinking about how many female presidents/leaders there have been around the world. Most sites I could find that document such things all neglect to mention Kim Campbell. Say what you will, but those 4 months she was Prime Minister in 1993 forever shaped the world I live in. The best quote from The Right Honourable Campbell during the election campaign that sealed her fate:
"an election is no time to discuss serious issues"
I couldn't agree more! (from an observers perspective that is) Unfortunately, not something that you should say out loud....during an election campaign anyway.

Inclusion Excludes a Whole Hell of a Lot

For those of you not familiar with "Inclusion" in the educational sense, it is the grouping of children with 'special needs' into the everyday classroom environment so they can have exposure to the same learning initiatives their able-bodied peers do....as well as just plain having exposure to their able-bodied peers.

A report just released on New Brunswick's inclusion program found that NB was doing a fair job in grouping kids of all abilities but "had a long way to go". One article in particular on this subject quotes various children that are the target of this program, as saying they wouldn't want to be segregated from their peers dispute the fact that they find it hard to fit in. They go on to say that it can be lonely for them because they don't have the chance to intermingle with the kids in their classes outside of the classroom environment.

I have two things that I believe are inherently wrong with the program as is. For one, as the husband of an elementary school teacher, I get to hear the real story behind the classroom environment all the time. My wife not only has to teach 20 or so children at the conventional pace, but must adjust to make sure that those are falling behind get the extra help they need, and those that are not challenged do not get overly bored. In addition, she must help take care of an autistic child and learn to teach to him/her, administer insulin shots to the diabetic child, and constantly re-arrange her classroom to accommodate a boy in a wheelchair and ventilator. TA's have to be requested formally by the teachers and are only paid minimum wage. All this brings me to my first beef. 'Special needs' students are not being "included" in classrooms that are designed to meet their special needs. This is absolutely ridiculous, and unfair to absolutely everyone involved in the situation.

Secondly, the inclusion of the children in question should permeate our society and not just be forced on everyone in the school environment. The kids feel lonely because they don't mix well with the other students. Well that has a lot to do with no one knowing what the hell is going on. The kids who have a 'special needs' student in their classroom should be educated about what is going on before hand...both at school and at home, instead of just wondering what is different about the kid that has to sit by him/herself at the back of the classroom with the adult helper, and deciding to shy away from him/her.

If all else fails, maybe the NB government could at least stop spending hundreds of thousands of $s on reports that tell us they not running programs incorrectly, and just spend it on improving them. Fuck, I need some Doritos....!

Are Doritos Some Sort of Magic Herion Chip or Something? Is That What Makes Them So Goddamn Good?...

The one reason I've never been good at dieting isn't my overall will power. For the most part I don't eat a whole lot of unhealthy foods. I stopped eating butter and salt when I was a teenager (unless of course its already baked into something- I just don't add it to foods). I don't typically eat a lot of greasy foods. I stay away from red meat. I also eat a lot of fruits and veggies. But my kryptonite is chips...Specifically corn chips...and even more specifically Doritos. I could eat bag upon bag of these fucking things, and never get sick of them. I actually get irritated when they discontinue brands/flavours that have been out for more than a month, because its like losing part of the family. I can honestly say that there are less than 10 people I like more than Doritos...I don't know how many exactly because I get hungry counting them on my hands and have to stop to snack on some Spicy Nacho Cheese.

So what am I getting at? Is this post just about my love of the stinkiest chip there is? No. This is my supreme declaration that I am attempting to give up Doritos (and all other chips) for 100 days. This surprisingly isn't day#1 for the Doritos. Its actually the 3rd straight day I've been stink-chip free. However, I did have some other corn chip yesterday...so I'm almost at the end of day#1. This is going to be a long 100 days! June 26th can't get here soon enough. Viva los Doritos!

The Day I Became a Soccer Mom

Well, my wife and I went out 'to look' at new SUVs and passenger vans today, in anticipation of my lease expiring later this year on my GM shit-hunk. I did lots of internet research before going in and just couldn't get past all the stuff I could cram into a Chevy Uplander for very little price (both in terms of spaciousness and options). No one even come close really. So I rolled the rest of my lease early and I will be picking up the rest of the tee-ball team in 2-3 business days.

Oh, quick follow-up on my last post. Adam Morrison and Gonzaga got a scare in the first round. I was nearly half done typing a new post with 5 mins left in the game stating how I only posted the first time to make fun of his moustache. But Morrison was unbelievable late in the game and rallied the Zags back with 7 pts, 1 key board and 2 amazing dishes in the last 2 1/2 mins of the game (35 pts, 2 rbds, & 3 assts). Let's see if they can keep it rolling against the Hoosiers tonight.

Oh, and happy belated St. Patricks Day! Check this article out if you love Catholic hypocracy. I think I'll give up my belief system for Lent!

The 70' Porno Stache: Chick Magnet and College Basketball X Factor

The men's NCCA basketball tournament kicked off this afternoon to start what is perennially known as "March Madness". If there is one thing the USA has produced that I am in love with, it is this tournment! Some games can be brutal to watch, but I will take a game decided by pure heart and emotional drive over any multi-million $ quasi basketball "pro" game any day.

The best moments are the ones near the end of the tourny. You know what I'm talking about. The cameras pan the bench of a team about to get knocked out, and then close in on the one or two seniors, who gave everything they had over the last 4 years and start weeping into their towels becuase they know this is the end....not quite good enough to make it to the NBA, they know they are headed into a career of real estate....knowing that they will never ever ever be able to get laid as easily as they did over they last 4 years again.

But I digress. Back to the tourny. I wanted to get my bold pick out there. I am picking Gonzaga to win it all. Adam Morrison has been compared to Larry Bird. He's probably closer to Christian Laetner. The Larry legend compare comes from him having an incredible court sense, tremendous tenacity, an ability to shoot the lights out any given night, and oh yeah... he's chalk white. Seriously though, this guy isn't as athletic as some, but he has a great shot and average 28.3 pts per game in a decent conference. The Zags are ranked #3 in a mediocre bracket of the tournmament, with the number one seed Memphis, being picked by many to be the first #1 to lose in the first round ever. The other 3 #1 seeds could all be beaten before the final as well. My prediction Gonzaga beats UConn in the finals.

The Zags have been referred to as a 'cinderella' story in past seasons when they have gone into the 3rd round or beyond. Well this year someone got out a knife and carved a big-ass porn stache on the pumkin carriage, and its crashing the gates of the big dance baby! Never has such a combination of porn and basketball satisfied me so....I Love This Game!

Jay Leno: Like getting your penis caught in your zipper.... but a lot less funny

There are many reasons I dislike Jay Leno. Like all true fans of Letterman I feel an obligation to hate him. If you're not sure what I'm talking about check out the movie Late Shift. But after reading an article about how he routinely apologizes for offending people with his humour I have to take a minute to reconsider whether I hate him as much as I should.

So what this article is telling me, is that whenever Leno tries to be edgy...which he really never is...he has to shrivel up into a spineless ball of laugh-less shit and apologize (personally apologize, no less) to every 60+ fan out there that still watches him.

I know there are lovers of Jay out there...and those people will inevitably point to the fact that Leno whips Letterman time and time again in the ratings. My personal theory on this is that the people who give him the ratings edge are the same people that give a Bush-lead government a majority win in an election.

Ethnic Curling - My First Real Post

With the death of Slobodan MIlosevic greeting me in the news right after I created this blog yesterday, I first thought I had a perfect topic to start my rantings with. However, I want this to be a forum that truly reflects me, and the first post should set the tone. I want this to be more amusing than anything, and if I were to go off on ths topic I think I would defeat my own purpose. (unless I was talking about this ethnic cleansing- $14.88?? wtf??- somewhere there's a militia in Michigan making enough money to get those new armour pirceing rounds that come in oh-so-handy when 'deer hunting'....of course they're probably making all off their own membership). For a good take on it (the Milosevic thing) visit my buddy Kingbee's blog.

What I would like to talk about briefly is curling. Or as I like to refer to it, my last chance at a Olympic Medal. the Olympics have now been over for a couple of weeks, and Canada won gold this time around. (surprisingly our only gold medal in this event in 6 tries!!). More importantly a four-man squad, that was half drunk and half stupid, stepped onto a curling sheet in the Carleton Curling Rink in west Saint John a few weeks ago and handed out an ass-whooping of major proportions...winning 8-0 and 4-0 in its only two matches and walking away with 3rd place. Long live the Curling Irons!

*(deano, quinner and kingbee...my thanks, and your 'medallions' are in the mail if you haven't received them already)

3-2-1 Commence Horseshit....

Well, its not the fancy schmancy postings of some of those that are more tech savvy...but this is my start anyway. Maybe we'll move this to another site when someone shows me what the hell to do. In the meantime this is a very user friendly way to start a blog.

What can you expect from my postings?:
1. Rantings about unimportant shit
2. My raw liberal commentary about topics in the news, and in life in general
3. Drunken ramblings about people and things I hate...but mostly people
4. A sprinkle of self deprecation
5. Coffee stained pants