2 Posts in 3 Days?...Somebody Call The View!!

I’m pretty apathetic toward Rosie O’Donnell and all her melodrama. I do enjoy watching the salvo of verbal shots go back and forth between her and her many enemies from time to time…but as for taking a side and really getting into it, I never really give any thought to that shit.

That was my opinion until yesterday when I started being torn in a hundred directions after seeing her live tv fight with View co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck. These two have gone at it several time before, but yesterday reached a height not seen previously.

What exactly is tearing me apart about this…well, let me tell you…

Elisabeth is the cutest thing in the world…I mean she’s cuter than a barrel of kittens in a baby storm! The problem?.....she’s also a mindless Republican robot. This makes me want to side with Rosie in their ‘war on terror’ argument. The problem? Rosie is a crazy conspiracy theorist nut who takes liberalism so far left that bong-tokin’-abortion-supportin’-polygamists are telling her to slow down.

My mind is going to explode!!!!!

What the fuck am I doing watching The View? …ah screw it, add it to the list of gay stuff… in the meantime, I’ll start shopping around on E-bay for some testosterone….

Does Neilson Rate Anger? They Should...

Have you ever watched something that completely infuriates you just because you like to get angry and shout at the tv about how stupid it is? Well, I have this problem with several tv shows. Here are a few examples:

Judge Judy- Stick to case and the law, and away from the lectures bitch!

Extreme Makeover: Home Edition- Yes, it is nice that you’re helping that one down-on-their-luck family, but how far would that $2.0M (spent on their home) go to feeding the homeless? I always wonder out loud, when my wife makes me watch this, how many children around the world are dying of hunger as they put the finishing touches to the special NASCAR room for the oldest teenager. Oh, and Ty Pennington getting arrested for DUI is absolutely classic….the only way it could be better is if he hit a bus full of cub scouts of something. Nothing against Cub Scouts, I’m just getting tired of everyone thinking he’s an angel of some sort just because Disney throws bags of money at him, and holds out on giving him his ADHD medication.

The Amazing Race- the concept is good, and the first couple of seasons were solid….but I hate the fact that at some point during every stage of the race they pretty much make all the teams catch-up to one another, so that really only the last quarter of the race counts for anything.

Anyway, I’m ready to add another one to the list. Larry King is by far the most ridiculous excuse for a talk show host ever! Anytime I see his show, he asks the most moronic questions, and doesn’t seem to have a clue about the subject matter he’s discussing. It annoys the hell out of me. Here’s a made up, but entirely probable, transcript of a typical King interview:

Larry King: Tonight we have the remaining cast of Dancing With the Stars
- Joey Fatone, you’re used to being on stage, how is this different?

Fatone- Well its something that doesn’t come as naturally…

Larry King- As naturally as stripping or pole dancing?

Fatone- What?

Larry King- What was it like growing up in Boston?

Fatone- I’m from Brooklyn..

Larry King- How about them Dodgers?

Fatone- the Dodgers have played in L.A. since 1957

Larry King- I was arrested once, let’s go to commercial…

Irritating as all get-out!!!...but somehow the idiocy of it all keeps me coming back for more and more anger.

Is That A Bird In My Bag, Or Are You Just Happy To Search Me??

I used to carry some sort of pride in the fact that I was from Saint John, NB. Lately however, things like this keep popping up on the national news (not even kidding...this was front page stuff on cbc.ca this afternoon) that make me re-think my allegiances.

Here's the gist in case you don't care to read the article:

A woman goes through security at the local airport on the way to boarding a plane to Pearson airport in Toronto. The woman has her suitcase scanned repeatedly and the security people ask her if she has a turkey in her bag. [A fucking turkey!!] After being repeatedly asked, she gets a little frustrated and snaps back that she is 'sure there is no turkey'. Security lets her through....she gets on the plane ...goes to TO, picks up her bags...gets in a car.. drives an hour or so to Niagara On The Lake...gets to her hotel room...unpacks her suitcase...and her pet cat Ginger jumps out!! Apparently, the turkey-looking-thing was her cat, which she accidentally packed into her bag.

A few things to think about:

- How do you accidentally pack your cat into a suitcase and not notice?...this sounds like a pratical joke of some sort.
- If the security people can see a turkey, that they are apparently concerned about, then why don't they open the bag if the person says there isn't one there? I guess this one is for the investigators to determine....along with whose bong the security people used prior to scanning the baggage.
- If you ever decide to carry on some C4 plastic explosives in your luggage, mold them into the shape of a turkey...apparently you can get away with taking anything through that's in the shape of a turkey.

Honest to god, I think I'll be flying out of Fredericton from now on!...safety and stupidity issues are forcing me too.