Gay Cowboys and Dangling Eyeballs

While my wife went out with her friends last weekend for a girls' night out, I made myself some popcorn and picked up a couple of videos to watch at home. I got Brokeback Mountain and Hostel. Its funny how good I thought both of these movies were when they are worlds apart from each other.

In my humble opinion, Brokeback deserved to win the best movie Oscar last year over Crash...and I loved Crash! Its a movie that will stick in my mind for a long long time, and not just because of the scenes of hot man-on-man action. It was horribly marketed when it was released in theatres, and that was a shame....watch this on video if you get a chance!

Meanwhile, in Hostel, you have a movie that has been touted as a gorefest but is actually far more than that. If you watch a couple of times and get over the self indulgent blood-letting you will begin to see a well crafted look at mankind's constant need to fulfill any desire that pops up, and the underground elements that will use those desires to make a profit....as well as society's gradual acceptance of these fulfillments. This film examines the lines that are crossed gradually..from some harmless marijuana smoking (legally in Amsterdam), to prostitution (also legal in Amsterdam)...into paying to torture and kill another human being. But make no mistake, this is a horror movie made to gross you out. The bitter irony comes when the people looking to fulfill their own desires, become the victims of someone else's. That's also about the time the blow-torches come out to be used on the dangling-out-of-the-socket eyeballs. Good Times!!!

Oh and for those of you wondering, I've just been too lazy to write anything lately. That and I can't stop bitching about this fat piece of shit long enough to calm down and write anything.

Rhubarb & Motorcycles, A Deadly Combination

Yesterday, in the town of Shedden (Ontario's rhubarb capital), 8 men were discovered murdered in vehicles left in a farmer's field. Today, 4 men and a woman were arrested and charged with first degree murder. They apparently were all part of a biker gang called the "Bandidos". In a related story I had some of the best strawberry and rhubarb pie a couple of weeks ago from the local grocery store, and I'd really like to check out Shedden's Annual Rosy Rhubarb festival, that I otherwise would not have known about if it wasn't for this tragic series of events.

I Can Only Imagine How He'll Kill Her This Time...

I like Eminem as much as the next white guy, but isn't this getting a bit ridiculous? I mean really, who can forget the charming lyrics to "Kim", which include the classic line: NOW BLEED BITCH BLEED....BLEED BITCH BLEED...BLEEEEEED!!!! So he gets back together with her, gets re-married a month later and now 3 months after that he's filing for divorce. Classy! I believe in about 10 years (maybe sooner) Haley will be the next Courtney Love. Not that we couldn't use another Courtney Love...I mean the current one will be long dead in 10 years...which reminds me, I need to start a death pool....

Reasons People Think I Might Be Gay

I have been told on occasion that I am a very gay straight guy...which doesn't bother me in the least. In fact I embrace it. However, it has got me to thinking, 'why do people think I might be gay?'. I've come up with some reason which I have broken down into 3 majour groupings: Primary Reasons, Secondary Reasons, and Complimentary Reasons. The primary reasons are things that are stereotypically gay things. The secondary reasons are things that push toward gay tendencies, but don't fit neatly into the stereotype. Finally, complimentary reasons are things that by themselves would not be considered gay, but when considered in context with the primary and secondary reason cross the line.

Here's a some examples:

Complimentary- I love Abba
Secondary- I sing along to all the female parts of every Abba song, in a high falsetto
Primary- I quite frequently proclaim myself the 'Dancing Queen'

Complimentary- I love fruity coolers
Secondary- I prefer to drink fruity coolers to beer at social events, in front of everyone
Primary- I sometimes deep-throat the neck of the bottle while I drink the fruity coolers.

Get it? Good! look for more reasons in the future when I have nothing better to write about.

The Simple Truth About Red Shirts and Velvet Clown Paintings

I made a voodoo doll today out of a sack of potatos and dressed it in a red shirt. I named it "Capt. Truth". I make Capt Truth hump inanimate objects for my own ammusement...but really the red shirt is all I need to keep me laughing. Oh, and velvet clown paintings are gay. The only cool velvet paintings are those which have Elvis as their subject.