On a Somewhat Lighter Night...Me Like the Borat. Its Nice.

For the love of God, if you have any sense of humour at all get out and see this movie. By far the funniest thing I have seen in years! I can't even describe adequately how funny any one part of this is...there's just so much to laugh at.

Now, because people tend to have a wide range of tastes when it comes to comedy, I have created a litmus test to determine whether you will think things are funny that I think are funny. Here goes:

If you laugh at any part of the phrase "Dude Where's My Car?" then don't bother seeing Borat. Instead there's a movie called "Let's Go To Jail" that I think will be right up your alley. Or just see "Happy Feet".

Everyone Is A Cowboy On The Internet

My buddy Kingbee recently got bitch-slapped by some right-wing hate monger after he tried to post on the lunatic's web site. Now, no one needs me defending them, especially the Bee...but I just thought I'd throw out a few thing's I find funny about the "Canadian Sentinal's" blog:

Everything! He's a fucking idiot! He definitely does have an "out-of-control sense of humour", if he thinks anything that he's written is remotely sane. I particularly like the style of writing...how everything has to be black or white, hate or love, right or wrong.. etc. Its..what do you call it?..Extreme!! Every good pamphlet should be written this way.

One more note I find particularly funny...after reading the chastising of my friend for using the "F-word", as some might find this offensive, I read a few comments on one of his posts. In one post string, after asking the question of why "Islamofascists use green" as their representative colour, he posted this: "Green, incidentally, is also the color people turn when they feel like barfing... and it's also the color of phlegm and boogers... yep, all those things come to mind when I think about Islamofascists, as well as certain brown stuff, too...". nice!, certainly far less offensive than the "f-word"..especially if you're a big fucking bigot!

Whatever you do don't hate this guy.....its what he wants you to do. In fact pass on the word about how funny he is. I'm only giving him the free advertising because he complains how his opinions are repressed. I want the whole world to know about him. CBC, find this guy and put him on TV!

Last Week's Check List

Basement Cleaning- *giggle*
Submit Deal or No Deal Application- I did, but with only a couple of hours to spare and I was a wee bit drunk. Under "worst things people who know you would say about you" I typed in "Likes to Start Fires". It seemed hilarious at the time.
Get Oil Changed and Tires Rotated on Both Vehicles- check!...but only because there were appointments. Oh by the way, both appointments took 2 1/2 hours! Ridiculous! I had to spend that time perusing the only two stores that are within walking distance: The Real Atlantic Superstore (Loblaws for you further west than east) and Staples.
Xmas Shopping- well I looked for stuff...mainly in the Superstore and Staples. Bought nothing.
Jogs with the family Dog- *giggling again*
Work Related Items- well I did think about work...until I had ingested enough alcohol, and I couldn't feel my conscience anymore.
Early Baby Pick-up- A little earlier than usual..maybe an hour or two.

My Vacation

I took today and tomorrow off work to use up my vacation days before the year ended and I lose them. Here is a summary of what I plan to do over the next two days:

Re-organize and clean the basement
Submit Deal Or No Deal application form
Get oil changed and tires rotated on both of the family vehicles
Do some Xmas shopping
Go for a couple of jogs with the family dog
Finish a couple of work related items I wasn't able to get done in the past week or two
Pick up the baby early from daycare and spend some extra time with him

Now, here is what will probably take place:

Sleep in until 10:30ish both days....drag myself out of bed in time to get to the oil changes that have been pre-scheduled...buy myself a couple of things I find while Xmas shopping for other people (get no actual Xmas shopping done), come home...sip fruity mixed drinks while lounging in my bathrobe, and pass out while playing PlayStation 2....wake up in time to get the baby from daycare about 5 minutes earlier than he normally gets picked up.....and somewhere in that drunken stupor manage to fill in some fields on the online Deal Or No Deal application form.

Ok, I have to go take a small nap now to prepare for my big day. Wish me luck.

My Golden Post

Its been about 8 months since I started the old blog and ,well, I think everyone's a little bit dumber for it. But I've come to a milestone...Post #50. I'm averaging about 1 post every 5 days, or 1.4 per week. Its a little behind the pace that I wanted to keep when I started this, but I can live with it. As I alluded to in a previous post a couple of months ago, its tougher than you think to find and post pictures of peacocks and rant on and on continuously....even my bitching tank can run a bit low at times.

To celebrate this anniversary in the true class that this site has grown accustomed to, I thought I would share with you a funny little web site I found tonight. Its really quite lame, but the end product can be pretty funny if you really put you mind to it. If you go here, you can type in any name and it will generate a metaphoric ingredient listing and directions to making the cocktail with that name.

For example, if I type in "Ray Law" I get this:

How to make a Ray law
Ingredients:5 parts friendliness 3 parts ambition1 part energy
Method:Combine in a tall glass half filled with crushed ice. Top it off with a sprinkle of wisdom and enjoy!

Stupid and gay!...but with a tweak here and there you can achieve true comic genius. Observe:



"Yum"...that kills me...lol!!!!!!!!! You can't make this stuff up if you try!

Did Someone Say Hypocrisy?

*note: I actually tried to post this yesterday, but Blogger decided to give me the screws again, and took the site down for maintenance about 5 minutes before I was ready to post . Another 15 minutes I'll never get back...love it! Anyway, enjoy my 4 paragraphs of witty reparte...paraphrased from wittier repartee I came up with yesterday...

So Ted Haggard has finally admitted to "sexual immorality'. I don't get it. I just don't get it. If you are going to lie and deny accusations made against you, do it with all of your earthly being. Deny Everything!..Until the bitter end!...or you might as well come clean up front.

Bought meth but threw it away?!?? Paid for a male prostitute to 'give massages'!?!?!? Please! If he's going to lie, why does he have to do it like a middle school kid who just got caught with his pants down in the bathroom sucking on a bong and holding a George Michael poster? Pathetic!

And for those of you who don't know, Mr. Haggard, like many religious leaders, is heavily involved in politics in his region (and nationally for that matter)...and, of course, he has thrown his church's full backing behind the local anti-gay-marriage candidate.

So if I'm reading his message correctly, it goes something like this: gay marriage is a sin and should be banned. If you have evil-gay impulses, it is more acceptable to get a good pluggin' in a prostitute's car behind your local White Castle...oh, and also make sure that you use the same guy to buy your amphetamines from, its more convenient that way.

Is it just me, or does he also set off that closet pedophilia vibe as well, with that half-smirk he's always wearing?

The Death Sentence: If You Don't Agree With My Opinion You Should Die

With the death sentence being handed down today on Saddam Hussein and two other defendants, after being found guilty on the charges of crimes against humanity, I thought it would be a great time to push people's buttons by reiterating my anti-death penalty stance.

I'm not going to get into a big debate as to rights and wrongs and pros and cons of capital punishment vs. a lifetime in prison. Instead, I'm simply going to say this: it is wrong to kill another human being. Period! Nobody has the right to do this. You can not condemn somebody for killing people (even on a mass scale) and then turn around and kill somebody yourself...even if they are a worthless piece of shit. It makes you a hypocrite.....even if you hide behind a veil called "government".

If you don't like my stance, I'm sure you're not as advanced intellectually as I am. Which isn't saying a lot for either of us. Talk to me about castrating rapists or pedophiles, and then you might get an answer you like more.

Where Do You Stand On The Issue of Horseshit?

Willie Nelson is using the US primary to voice his concerns about horse slaughtering around the world for the purposes of human consumption. I know if I were in the US right now, and about to vote, horse consumption would be high on my list of concerns. Here is a list of what I think Willie Nelson's top 5 concerns are as American's get ready to go to the polls:


1. Horses Being Slaughtered For Human Consumption
2.. American's In Iraq: have they found any new cheap sources of weed?
3. The North Korean Nuclear Threat: How much weed could a 75 kiloton bomb destroy?
4. Man Am I Hungry: How do horses taste anyway?
5. Tax cuts: more specifically tax cuts retroactive to 1975, when he stopped paying them.

Willie's fun to pick on, but an easy target. I'm going to help him out a bit. I promise not to slaughter nor eat a horse for at least two weeks...but once pay-day rolls around all bets are off.

**Jack-o-lantern carving contest update**
We carved our pumpkins on Sunday, and my wife thought that hers was 'turning funny' while sitting inside. She insisted on keeping it outside where it would 'keep better'. Well, it rained too much over the next two days, and that combined with the wind, made her carvings cave in by Halloween night. My artistry was still very much in great shape, so I won by default. No need to embarrass anyone by putting their limp pumpkins on the internet. See you next year, when I might or might not defend my crown depending on my mood at the time.