People Under the Stairs: The psycho Bitch That Lives Below My Mother

Every second Saturday, after my 14 month-old son wakes up around 7 AM, my wife and I gather our things together and head to my mother's apartment for an early morning paper read and a coffee. We then leave our son with my mother while we get groceries. About an hour and 1/2 later we pick him up and bring him home for his morning nap, while we put the groceries away. Its our routine. It works for us and we like it.

This morning a wrench was thrown into the gears that drive our routine. You see my mother has lived in the same apartment for roughly the last 15 years. She is a 63 year-old, large woman that walks around on her heels and general makes a lot of noise. (she moves furniture around just for the fun of it every 3 weeks or so). It must not be easy to live in an apartment directly below her. However, for the last 7-8 years or so, she has lived above the same crazy bitch.

The woman who lives below her has confronted her about the noise she makes several times. Always in a loud and nasty way. She has called the police on my mother, and a couple of times tried to push my mother's own door open simply to continue a yelling match in which she didn't think she got the last word. She has complained to the landlord as well. All complaints basically fall on deaf ears and she has never gotten anywhere. She just continues to be miserable and force her misery back upon my mother whenever she gets the chance.

This morning, upon leaving my mother's place, I apparently made too much noise carrying the baby down the stairs and must have woken her up...at the ungodly hour of 10 AM! After I fastened the baby into his car seat, I jumped in the van and noticed that my mother's neighbor was in her window shaking her finger at me and mouthing a few words at me rather violently. I gave her a quizzical look to exclaim that I didn't know what she was talking about and she went through the same range of actions and wording. I still don't know what the fuck got her goat exactly. I pieced together my own hypothesis about me coming down the stairs rather loudly, as it was the only thing I could think of that made any sense. In any event, I simply drove away, and explained to my wife how crazy she was (the neighbor not my wife).

Now, I can understand that if I made too much noise I might owe someone an apology....and I'm a rational and understanding human. If she simply peeked her head out the door and said something like 'can you take it easy next time, the stairs are right next to my bedroom and you woke us up', I would have given her the token apology and tried to make a conscious effort going forward. But no, she had to act like a raging lunatic. Well let me tell you something lady, that's what a blog is for!

My main beef is that she has been doing this shit for 7+ years. If something bothered me that much about where I lived, that I had to throw a huge hissy fit every so often, and no one would do anything about it for me...I would have been moved long before 7 years came around.

Listen bitch, if you're reading this and somehow got someone to help you figure out that I'm talking about you: Pack your shit up and move!!! You're a lot less pleasant to deal with than the noise above you (or syphilis for that matter!- that's funnier:). I would even pay for your moving van. I'm not even joking. I will write you a cheque. You just tell me which one of your bipolar/schizoid personalities to make it out to.